Office Chair Malfunction

˙˙˙ssǝusnoıɔsuoɔ ƃuısol
'ʇɥƃıl ʇuǝɔsǝɹonlɟ ʇɐ ƃuıɹɐʇs
˙pɐǝɥ oʇ ƃuıɥsnɹ poolq

Job Description - Awkwardness

Effeminate boss
I call you Cap'tan Sulu
Heading? Fabulous.

Singing Telegram

Learn to fire with style:
Soften the blow with music,
in the key of Sad :-(

Fitness Room - Illness Included

Weights, treadmills, TV,
Machines covered in disease;
much like Tommie Lee.

Office Workers

Hunt whales for answers,
Find them beached in the break room.
Just call me Ishmael.

l'État, c'est moi.

Perched atop my throne,
I am ruler absolute.
The Firm sponsored poop.

Golf

Play hooky from work
Tee time is at 9 am
Drunk by hole 7

Sex-itary

Low cut shirt: Green light.
Xerox tray incriminates.
Dipped her ink, High Five!

Productivity

-Mine Sweeper Guru-
Spider Solitaire: Four Suits.
Freecell just got Pwned!

Happy Hour

I drink to forget.
Basketball-Sized-Liverburg,
population: me

Casual Fridays

Hawaiians shirt? YES!
Comfort is allowed today.
Color hides sorrow.

Hard at Work

Job is due today
Mouse finds the petite blue "e"
Blogs won't read themselves

March of the Office Penguins

Donuts this morning
The swift waddle of hunger
I miss Freeman's voice

Wesley Snipes

Must I pay taxes?
16th Amendment is fake.
IRS don't care.

Hell - Decorated in floral print

"Best" Western Hotel
Squalid sheets reveal your past
I sleep in plastic

Cake

Another birthday?
No wonder everyone's fat.
The cake is a lie.

Morning Coffee

Alcohol's bookend
Soulful and smooth; dark and rich
Not Luther Vandross

Vending Machine Meals

Dinner from machine.
What is this newfound plumpness?
Busy season coat.

Office Romance

Florescent light warms
the soft tissue of my heart.
Break-room: Five minutes.

Office Fridge Ninja

No name? It's fair game.
Styrofoam clamshells of joy.
Bring more lasagna.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream...

Life tastes Vanilla.
No chocolate not even swirl.
Sprinkles on Fridays.

Lunch Time

Hear heavy breathing
Coming from the cube next door.
Love making? No, lunch.

Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself

Bringing hot fire,
Flames from my mouse and keyboard
Burn this cube farm down

It tastes like shame

ugly co-workers
diabeetus in future
lunch? pizza buffet

Daily Haiku

indentured servant
pallor skin of cadaver
sunlight burns the skin